Recently I was a bit sick, so worked from Starbucks so I wouldn’t get the rest of the BNOTIONS team sick. I happened to sit down next to a young woman in the middle of a life coaching session. Or something.

She was 2 feet away. Impossible to ignore. Even when I tried. Eventually I gave up and just started tweeting choice quotes. What follows are some of her best quotes, and actions, archived for posterity. If they seem crazy, know that @hildavidson was sitting here for most of it and we spent much of the time trying not to lose it!

  • Girl sitting beside me in coffee shop is doing her life plan. It’s entertaining. Married by 30. Done kids by 35. Gonna marry “best friend”.
  • “I have 2 years to meet my best friend” she says. What is she the best in the world at? “Making friends”.
  • She is now self-clapping. This is a bad sign.
  • “Why do you have to wait for what you want?” she asks… “I want what I want now, there’s no point in waiting til I SHOULD have it”
  • “I think everyone should commit themselves to just enjoying life” ed: this has been my problem all along, a big commitment to NOT enjoying life!
  • “If I don’t tell the universe what I want in a guy, I’ll get whatever randomly comes out”
  • “I am the soundtrack to my life”
  • “I want to work for an animal activist company or help homeless people find more food… or get a nobel prize” ed: don’t put all your eggs in one basket, am I right?
  • “20 years from now, I want my kids parents to come home and say ‘Your mom is a MILF’” ed: yes this is a quote, at least she included “parents”, right?
  • “I want to balanace my life goals between stuff *I* want and stuff the world deserves from me”
  • “In order to hit that goal I’d need to do 3 classes a week, and I”m afraid that’ll distract me from the actual goal”
  • Poor girl. She’s stressing about whether she should do morning or evening classes. 7 years from now.
  • “It’s just stupid career stuff, it keeps getting in the way of my life and goals”
  • “Hot yoga, I don’t think I”ve ever spent that long on my back before”
  • “I’m already stretchy. And bendy.”
  • “I want to be the hawtest 80 year old woman ever, I just don’t know in the next 5 years what I can do to get there” ed: dream big #coffeelifegirl, dream big.
  • “I’d love to live in Texas, but I feel like if I had a job in Ohio that’d take precedent”
  • “5 years from now I want to be paid for the job I’m working”
  • And her parting comment is……… “This is why I want to marry a jew”

And, yes, I managed to get two client proposals done while this was going on, so I was working!