So the iPad is out. Yay. I mean, no, really, this is my excited face. You can tell because my eyes are open.

Seriously, though, I had very low expectations for the iPad. Mostly because, well, I figured it’d just end up being a larger iPhone and an eBook reader all in one. And none of that sounded exciting. But part of me,  a small part, was actually hoping that when  Steve-O said it was the most important thing he’d evar done (remember this is the guy who invented moving to a different state to jump the donor list) that it’d actually, y’know, matter.

Now I’m hopeful that the iPad will a) get a new name but b) more importantly will pull an iPhone and be rawking by it’s 3rd iteration (cue Microsoft jokes).

However, right now? It barely even meets my expectations. Let’s review what Steve-O promised… that the iPad would be better than either an iPhone or a laptop at:

The iPad iAin't Better...

The iPad iAin't Better...

Browsing: While I’m no Flash fan (though I see it’s place, especially for educational and rich media stuff), not having Flash available in a browser is flat out bad for browsers. Sorry, but even if you think Flash is evil, ask yourself: if Microsoft had come out with an OS that didn’t support Flash would you be happy? I think not. WIN: Laptop.

Email: The physical keyboard is nice. But how is it better at email than a laptop? Sorry,  poorer typing, less UI control? WIN: Laptop.

Photos: I’ll actually give this to the iPad. Everything about this is sexy. WIN: iPad.

Video: In what world is the iPad better at video? Cause it has fullscreen  and you can carry it on your lap? But it doesnt’ have widescreen. And doesnt’ allow non-Youtube web-based video… and doesnt’ have decent external speakers. Or the ability to plug in decent USB headphones or… anything. WIN: Laptop.

Music: Music should be one of two things: highly portable, or high quality. The iPad is neither. Nevermind that Flash-based music services (like many podcast plugins for wordpress) simply won’t work. What’s the use-case for a larger iPod Touch that plays the same thing as the iPod touch, but where I can’t listen to the music while doing something else? Maybe if it was waterproof I could use it in the bath, but besides that… I got nuthin’. WIN: Laptop/iPhone.

Games: Games, like music, should be one of two things: highly portable or high quality. The iPad does neither. What it does do, which is interesting, is introduce true multi-touch gaming. This’ll bear watching. For now, though? WIN: Laptop/iPhone.

eBooks: Yeah, eBooks. Let’s give the iPad props. It is drop dead gorgeous for newspaper/magazine reading. I can totally see sitting on the couch reading the latest issue of Drop or something. Sexy. But books? Erm, no, I refuse to strain my eyes that way while reading for 6 hours (plus, can’t imagine how I’d prop this up while laying sideways in a readable fashion?). Props for beauty, but this is not an eReader, nevermind one for eBooks (Steve-O’s word). Nevermind that my Kindle? I leave it in my backpack loaded with books. If I don’t see it for 3 months, but then find myself on a plane? Pull it out and read. That’ll never happen with the iPad. WIN: KINDLE.

Fundamentally, I can’t really figure out a solid use-case for the iPad, outside of the ability to watch TV on a smaller and more portable screen… No multitasking. No USB. No video out. No phone calls. No Flash. No camera. No use.

Hell, even Hitler hates it: